The Inner David

It was one Sunday worship experience. I don’t know what I did the whole worship time — I cannot sing, I cannot even dance, all I did was utter prayers and praises and just cried my heart out to my Jesus. My heart hurts, my face was wet with tears and my eyes hurt from all the crying. But that’s what I wanted to do that day. I just wanted to cry to Jesus. More than anyone, He knows what’s inside my heart, what am I hurting and why am I hurting. He knows the depths of my heart.

So, why am I sharing this? While I was crying, God did not tell me, “Hush now, child. Everything will be alright.” He did not utter words of comfort. He did not tell me that He would avenge me for all the hurt I felt. No. Instead, He whispered words of encouragement. He spoke to me in that small, still voice, saying:

“Ran, you are my champion.”

It was a continued declaration. He touched my face and said, “This is the face of a champion.” He touched that portion of my chest and said, “This is the heart of a champion.” He wiped my tears and said, “These are tears of a champion.”

And even though they were not words of comfort, when I heard them, I cried even more. I initially thought that what God has spoken to me in that service was not related to what I was going through. But indeed, He knows the depths of my heart, even more than I know it. The past few days, I felt small, weak, and belittled. People saw me as weak. It was easy for them to inflict pain on me because I am weak. It was easy for them to look down on me because I was small. But then God saw a different person in me. He spoke, no, He declared that I am his champion.

And I believed that. I received that in my heart.

No one. No circle of people can refute that.

The Goliaths of my life surely knows how to use their weapons. Their weapons are not swords or arrows. Their weapons are words — words of discouragement and words of persecution. It hurt. I got wounded from these things, more than any arrows or swords can. But these people, they do not know who I am.

I am God’s champion. I may be carrying just a sling and a stone, but I have a big God right behind me. And I can slay any giant, for God said, I can.

It felt good. I felt my spirit reviving. I felt God’s breath on me. I felt the springs of living water inside of me. And it has been a long time since I felt that way. I felt joy in the insides of me, because finally, finally I can hear God’s voice again. I can hear him again and even gave me a confirmation through the exhortation of our youth pastor. And I know that I will never thirst again.

And finally, he left me a message in Psalm 46:5, “God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.”

I am not defeated and I will not live a defeated life. I will not let anyone tell me who I am because I know who I am. God knows who I am. And He is saying that I am His champion.

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